I talked to him last night, and we worked through a lot of our feelings. Right now, I can't afford to live by myself, and moving out of this area I think would be a huge change for me. I don't know if RIGHT NOW I could just leave. We created some ground rules at home last night, such as, when I'm in my room and my door is shut - I want to be left alone. (We have a 2 bedroom apt) But if I'm in a common area, then let's be civil.

I think for a day or two I was forcing myself to be angry because that is the best way I knew to hide the hurt. I used this tactic of being mean and angry for a while to "get over" someone, but I end up being angry for a long long time. This time, I decided I was going to deal with whatever emotion comes my way and really focus on how I'm feeling and deal with this in a healthy manner. My ex does not have anyone else he can really depend on, and I hope there is a point in time where I can be his best friend again. Right now, I told him I want to be civil because living in tension is never fun, and being angry takes so much energy and is really only hiding my hurt that I haven't dealt with.

I explained to him last night I just need to create my own routines that don't involve him so I can move on. He is hoping there may be a time we can get back together. Right now, I am trying to be strong for both of us so that doesn't happen. I need to use the time that was given me to have fun, create deeper relationships with my friends, and live for me. I won't expect to get back together with him, but I won't wipe him out of my life either, because I believe we can be friends (with some time.) I feel tons better this morning, and really feel healthy about this. I am spending most of my evenings with my friends this week to be able to move on in a sense and to start making my life all about me again.

I took down all of our pictures, cleared my room of his things, and gave him back all of the stuff I had of his. He realizes I am moving on for myself and technically for him too. He needs that time to go make friends and work on how he feels about himself.

I feel like things are too easy, but I also know that I will have to still deal with some hurt - I just feel at peace by not telling myself how to feel anymore.

And I think kimmydawn was right. I do love him. As far as being in love with him right now (or even before), I don't think I was. I think we began to get comfortable with each other and that was part of our relationship moving too fast. I know there was a point in our relationship where I was in love with him, but somehow that faded...and I think it was because we lived together and saw so much of each other.

I think this was an incredible lesson and even though I wish this did not have to happen, I realize that sometimes, in order to make a change, you have to hit rock bottom, and I believe that is what he had to do. And I understand that. I believe we both learned so much about ourselves through this, and we can continue to grow separately right now, and I keep telling him, if we're meant to be together later, then it will happen.

Thank you all for your feedback and support. It's so nice to able to really process things here.