I feel the same way, actually. I also look back on my life and wonder where things went wrong, and think about how I really didn't sign up for this. I wonder if anything will ever change. During mania, I feel a false, short-lived sense of importance, but that comes crashing down hard, and then reality sets in.

I agree with the above suggestions. (((hugs))) Continue to post whenever you feel you just need to let things out. Any healthy personal outlet can help.