Hey…I can really relate the feelings of being an outcast. For me the worse part was the humiliation and shame I felt as kids ridiculed me and sometimes hit me or threw food at me. For the most part I just passively accepted it because I believed that is what I deserved. I was the dirty kid—the drunks daughter. Kids were told not to play with me. I can still hear parents saying, “don’t play with her, she is dirty.” They saw the dirt on the outside but I felt it on the inside.

The abuse we suffer in school sticks with us—the adolescence and teen years are when we develop and form our personalities. How was I suppose to grow up to be anything other than a drunk *****? That is what I was trained to be, not just by my peers, but also by the perverts who abused me.

The feelings of being a social outcast still run deep in me. I realize that I don’t fit in and I never will fit in with mainstream society. Yeah, I have a burning desire to be normal and yet there is still a part of me that rejects all of society. Screw them—they are the ones that hurt me. Why would I want to be one of them when they have been the enemy for such a long time?

So, I search out places like PC where I can feel accepted. I search out people that have similar experiences, so I am not as alone. Today, things are better for me—far from perfect—I still find myself somewhat isolated in a world of my own making, but I have come to accept myself as okay. It is okay that I am not and never will be the “girl next door.” I am a pretty amazing person, it is the world that is missing out…

And, you know, I also found some sanctuary in the arts. Amazing to find that those normal people want my art…finally, I have something that they want…but, I will be damn if they are going to get it.