I just remember a comment about me not liking to be swaddled. I think they gave me some physical affection when I was young, but at some point I developed an allergy to touch. I would actually break out in welts. I grew out of it, at least for the most part. My skin does get irritated easily and I get splotchy red patches sometimes (a rash?)

About the cookies, I do have an allergy/intolerance to a protein in dairy and beef. Unless specially made, the vast majority of cookies, candies, and baked goods have milk products in them. When it's baked, the effect isn't as bad, but why take a chance? But these people would also ask me to lay out a cheese platter or otherwise touch things with dairy in them when we would do receptions and then realize when I look terrified, that oh yeah, I need to physically stay away from dairy. Sometimes the smell by itself makes me sick, but it mainly just scares me.

I did have a strange diet as a child (compared to other children). I apparently was not that interested in meat and preferred vegetables. I apparently also liked mustard at an age that it was unusual. I ate meat when I was a little older and still living at home, but as soon as I moved out, I pretty much stopped eating meat. They idea of touching raw meat and risk of undercooked meat freaked me out too much and I don't usually have that much desire to eat meat. And the whole dairy/beef thing inspired me to just become vegan for a while. Eventually, I began eating eggs and honey again though.

But I digress. The point is that sexual touch sometimes feels way too intense, like someone just turned on a bright light in front of your face, or feedback from a microphone. It happens often enough that's it's difficult to relax when you're afraid that's going to happen.

With non-sexual touch, I only have that problem if I'm upset or having a panic attack. Then I have a reflexive reaction where I either smack the hand away or say stop touching me. There's no thought, just instinctive reaction.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt about my reactions to touch. I thought at first it was because I was not used to it, but it's been more than two years at this point, so I should be used to it.