You do sound sort of depressed, so maybe this won't help, but when I was a stay-at-home mom I found things to do that provided childcare. There were Mothers of Preschoolers groups and Women's Connection meetings and church stuff that all provided child care, got me out with other moms and helped me not feel trapped. I also found that finding a friend or two who was also home w kids helped. We would just hang out sometimes and yell at each others kids