Quote:
Originally Posted by Takeshi
So no new post, eh?
You gotta listen to people, nobody likes to be ignored, man. The helper and the helpee both have reasons for the actions, what I'd hate the most is the one trick pony, that's as lame as they come. Is your explanation fair enough, for today, for some random persons, maybe the person didn't even need to help you, maybe it was the secondary reason and you may have missed the sign of some awkward person coming up to you and just say hey. If you turn down great people person with your helpless look/behaviors, that could be about even on the fairness scale, you could easily lose the argument of, what was that? Respect.
In most cases in our daily conversations, we can't be making super-true statements all the time, you'll be betrayed with your own reasonings because it's not flexible enough, non verbal cues have to speak for themselves too. Sticking to one's decision, after decision, you own up to yours and you'd feel better and learn the other end of the conscious brain.
Your politeness includes saying 'Maybe another time', doesn't it? People still might read too much into it so, you do whatever you can with all your intelligence, maybe the smartest things you could do is to book without saying anything, you caused the annoyance, why didn't you do more? "I do have a pepper spray.", This is part of your freedom of speech, you can purchase one and carry it if you wish, but the vagueness in the language might be enough to deter potential criminals disguising as a helper.
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Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I read everything you said though and yeah I do tend to say something similar to "Maybe another time." What I usually say is, "No thank you, I don't need any help." And if necessary, I will add that if I need help at another time then I'll let them know. But I rarely say that in order to prevent them from becoming confused. I just don't like having people thinking I am constantly in need of help when it is not needed.
I am glad people are willing to help out, and there is nothing wrong with asking. But I just feel that if I decline politely, they shouldn't feel offended. It has nothing to do with them, I just don't need assistance at that particular moment. In most cases, this involves carrying things, or lifting things to throw stuff away. I'll give an example I've used before. I think I even mentioned it on another thread somewhere.
A few years ago when I was still in college, I was a part of a worship group and was in charge of hospitality. I set up all the chairs, tables, food, and took it all down when it was time to clean up. Well one particular day, we had a movie night where more people than usual showed up. Everything went well, and eventually it was time to clean up. There was a medium size container which was, at one point, full of popcorn. By the end of the night, there was only a very little left. Mostly just at the very bottom, not too much, and not heavy at all. The container itself wasn't big or bulky.
Since no one else, even myself, didn't want the popcorn, I went to throw it out. When I went to throw it out, two students asked me if I needed help with it. I politely said no thank you and they were just about to leave when the sponsor got mad at me, saying I rejected two people who offered help. I didn't need it so I was confused. The two students helped after that, but it was but they were clearly doing it out of obligation by this point since they were also startled by the outburst from the sponsor. They were both nice so I had nothing against them. I just simply didn't need their assistance and one of them was actually not feeling well that night so I also didn't want the one student to stay any longer than needed. Situations like that confuse me, when I politely decline help and I get yelled at for it. It makes no sense. Don't understand how it can be so offensive.