~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Maytrigger~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





recently a friend of mine here was figureing things out for himself that he may have been disociating. He's given me the courage( probably does not know this) to talk about what I feel is goingon with myself also.

I feel its been going on for quite some time.. possibly years. But I have been scared to talk about it.

~I feel disconnected at times Like my mind wonders off
~I feel i lose chunks of time.Not always sure when it starts even when
the above happens
~I find things around the house, car, purse etc that I dont remember putting there. Like my lipstick in refrigerator, apples in the tub... on and on...

I hope I can tell my T today about this. I am scared to. I dont know if it will change everything or what..

I was sexually abused and gang raped as a child.. We think from around age 2 -12. Till a couple years ago I had not realized it started that early when I had gone into what I guess they call regression? I remembered how my brother would help give my baths. He did things to me. Bad things. When I got to be around 8 we think.. he did even worse things. Very hard to talk about as we feel vulnerable right now. When we were 10 my brother and 3 of his friends gang raped me. By when we was 12... he moved out .He always told us not to tell cause we would get in trouble . And when we got in trouble then papa would spank us with a 2x4 padel. It hurt alot. We got the courage to tell mom about it. She told me to go get papa . So we did. I waited on the steps and could hear them talk. Papa came out screaming at me that we was lyin and we could never talk about this again. So we didt. We tried to kill ourselves alot when we was in school. It hurt to be us. We have never told anyone about us. Please dont be mad. We are just scared. Papa is mad at us again.. and he dont love us no more.