I'm not doing all that well. I've been sleeping a lot and the only time I'm awake is when I take my online stimulant that I'm running out of so I'm trying to save every last bit until I see my psychiatrist in February.

I went a little over a day not taking it but eventually I get so exhausted that I get severe akathesia and I keep having to take deep breathes like I'm not getting enough oxygen and start sweating.

What I'm going to say to my psychiatrist is..

-The hospital psychiatrist took away the Concerta on the first day because I was pissed off, rude and said that I felt like ****.
-Next day I asked if he would consider prescribing it and he said he would if I don't abuse it and I said I wasn't abusing it in the first place I was just experimenting with other stimulants and then he was like... well... you abused it in the past! (I thought to myself.. ffs.. not this again..).
-I waited a few days and asked him again and he said that it's not the best choice for me.
So I said **** this I'll ask the rehab psychiatrist
-He said "I don't prescribe stimulants to patients with schizophrenia" (I thought to myself.. ffs.. this again? WHY ME)..
-I was going to quit the rehab and wait until I can see my outpatient psychiatrist to prescribe it back but I decided if I finish rehab (Which a lot of people don't because they just want to abuse drugs again), it's more likely that he will prescribe for obvious reasons...

Some people might think.. it's just a medication..

I'm not that type of person that needs Concerta. I'm that person that ACTUALLY needs it. Amphetamine doesn't work. Only methylphenidate does. And that's really weird for someone that had a lot of psychosis in the past and most people prefer amphetamine. More like 99%.. I'm different..

Why would a psychiatrist want me to sleep all day and not get to my highest potential unless he doesn't KNOW (Not believe) that I actually need it unless he's doing it on purpose?

People with narcolespy sleep the same amount of time that people sleep without it. Their quality of sleep is just very very poor. I sleep more than someone with narcolepsy. That's a real problem.

I'm not a cat. I have goals and I want to live my life to my potential.

Concerta for me is like insulin for diabetes. I'm sick of labels and what drug should be used for what label. With schizophrenia, stimulants don't bother me. Most people it does bother them so that just debunks the whole DSM-5 or 6 or what ever the hell they are changing it to because they don't have a damn clue. It's just a bunch of old men trying to make money funded by the pharmaceutical companies that don't care about us people that are suffering and they are literally KILLING us slowly to make more money.

DOES THE WORLD NOT SEE THIS THE OPIATE EPIDEMIC IS STARING AT THEM RIGHT IN THE FACE HOW CAN THAT NOT APPLY TO ANYTHING ELSE.

And the worst part is that not even my psychologist or psychiatrist believe that stimulants don't give me psychosis. I took ungodly amounts of doses of stimulants and nothing bad happened.

I'm trying to do research on my experience with stimulants and my reactions to it and how Abilify works on the D2 receptor where certain methylphenidates act on the VMAT2 proteins it's absolutely unbelievable but I can't because I don't have the energy and it's like people are trying to stop me from knowing the truth and if I complain then people will just think that I'm psychotic when I'm not. I haven't heard any voices in like a year.

If my psychiatrist doesn't prescribe, I'm going to convince my mom to order methylmethylphenidate which is the same thing as ritalin. It's safe and I can take 20mg twice a day. The most I've taken is a gram at once and nothing bad happened so I don't see how people can think it's unsafe when the metabolites are ritalinic acid the same metabolite as with ritalin.

If not, I'll do it myself.

I just want to get on with my life and go to school but I can't because I'm sick and people deny it like..

oh you're just tired because it's hot in this room FOR GOD SAKES PLEASE USE COMMON SENSE I'M ALWAYS TIRED AND I GET WINDOWS OF WAKEFULNESS DOESN'T MEAN PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR ARE CURED WHEN THEY ARE FEELING BETTER FOR A PERIOD OF TIME OR SO.

I'm really sick of this and scared. I'm also glad that people are supportive here and actually care about eachother. This forum isn't like the real world where people are such ********.