So,I take one medicine to sleep at night and a lot of times I mix it with alcohol when I go out.I know sleeping pills+alcohol is a potently harming but somehow it makes me feel proud for taking the risk(I struggle with suicidal ideation).I feel scared because of the proudness that I feel because I know deep down that this behaviour is not good.I don't know,could this be because I feel a lot of times suicidal but don't actually want to hurt anyone so I try to do it in a way it would seem acidental??