(((Trace))) I am sorry about your aunt and can totally relate to not wanting to go to a funeral. I can't do them either because I can't deal with the emotional pain. A friend of my husband's, long time friend went to sleep on the sofa Christmas Eve and his wife went to wake him Christmas morning and he was dead. I felt so bad for that family, but I could not go with my husband to the funeral.

Can you ask your doctor for some medication that can help you get through this, a sedative that keeps you calm? Have you ever tried Klonopin? Maybe some Lithium even, although I have never tried that myself but it's supposed to be a mood stabilizer.