I made the decision to marry someone in law enforcement. I told myself it would get easier. That I'd adjust to the work hours. That I'd embrace the level of independence it would allow me. I am so proud of my partner for what he does. But despite years passing, I just can't seem to adjust.

Being a cop is his life. It is his #1 priority. It will always come first. And I knew that. And I foolishly thought that would be something I could get used to. But I just haven't. I get that he is busy. But it's how he acts when he is home that hurts the most. He is too tired to talk. He is to taxed to do anything on his days off but catch up on himself. When he's home, he's still in his own world. He watches cop shows. He talks to coworkers. And work days it's like we're not even married. Even when he gets off-- we don't talk. We go days without really talking. Sure the "How was your day" bit. But it's always about his day.

This is especially difficult for me because my depression has been really severe lately. But I don't have the opportunity to talk with him. Or if I do, it's days and days of suffering alone. He doesn't even hold me at night. He will watch tv until he falls asleep then come to bed and rolls away from me.

It's so hard. I've tried to talk to him. We've seen two counselors. And I know this is just him. Who he is. But I need human touch. I need affection. Companionship. I work just as many hours as him as a counselor myself and it's exhausting but somehow caring for the home and bills and everything falls on me. If I ask him to do something, it could be weeks before he gets around to it.

But all he focused on is I'm upset because of my depression. That I'm just too emotional. That plenty of wives handle this fine. But I think I'm just different. It kills me to share a life with someone on the outside, but on the inside it feels like a lie. He doesn't share anything with me. He doesn't connect with me. And I just don't know what to do. Is it my depression? Am I just not supposed to be married to a cop?