I don't even really know where to begin, i have so much going on right now, i have to be the strong one, the one that smiles and supports everyone, the reality is so very different.
Cutting a very long story short, i have suffered with depression on and off pretty much since i was 13 years old, due to various factors.
A year and a half ago, i left my abusive... more mental..but also physically abusive relationship. It was one of the hardest things i did... to leave my home of almost 13 years...with my son, to start again, from scratch with nothing.
I did it though, not sure how, but i did. I thought once i left.. that would be it.. would be free and could move on with my life.. wrong! My ex partner still contacts... every way he can... just to remind me he is still there i think! The memories, the flashbacks, the hell i went through has never gone away

This has resulted in me being extremely depressed and i also have severe anxiety and frequent panic attacks. I have got medication to treat both, which just takes the 'edge' off. if that makes sense?

I am now in a relationship.. which i am finding very difficult, partly due to my own issues and partly due to his (i've explained this in another part of the forum)... i didn't go looking for any relationship... i was happy to be on my own.. but i am now, and its all got very complicated, very quickly.

I have the usual worries, just scraping by, money wise, i have a job, which is a daily struggle, and have also had issues with.

I have a 10 year old boy, who is amazing, but i just feel as though i am a complete let down as a mother.

I had a car accident just before christmas, which left me with a broken...but just about drive-able car...i am currently in the process of getting a newer one, which my mum has kindly decided to lend me the money for, but my insurance premium is now also going to triple!! I am already struggling money wise as it is.. but i suppose everyone is these days aren't they?

My mum is disabled too...not severely, but i have to do alot for her also.

Not long after my crash, my sister also had almost exactly the same crash (what are the odds?!) except she was left car less.. and she is currently heavily pregnant with her 4th child... i now have to take her kids and my own to separate schools, take her to work and my youngest nephew to child care, and get to my own job before 9:15... and its hard! I have to do the same after work.. except they all have various clubs to go to. My sister also has no washing machine, so i have been doing all her laundry too!!

My Dad, my step mother and my Sister are currently feuding, they refuse to speak to each other, but use me as a go between!

Doing all this as well as trying to raise my own boy and run my own house and work is exhausting, both physically and mentally.

Oh and i also have my own health problems.. other than mental..but thats a whole story of its own!!

I don't even know how to make everything ok...

i'm probably just blathering, but i needed to release some how... i can't really talk to anyone close to me cos they all have their own issues...

I feel so selfish, like i am trying to say... 'hellooo... i have my own **** to sort out'... but honestly i feel like i'm drowning right now...

I am currently on a 'waiting list' for therapy.. which is a 6 month wait