Hey, you did post here and try to "help yourself" so that wall has cracks, obviously. Let us comfort you now some, lend you some hope?

I use to, when I got overwhelmed, throw a mental hand grenade into the mess/my thinking & feeling and "start over". If you have 42 things you must do, trash them all, "refuse" them, and think of the first 3-5 you really want/feel you must do NOW and then work on doing those "now". Starting to work on something always gives me fresh hope and makes me feel like I'm getting back on track. Nothing gets lost that is important so you don't have to worry that the other 37-39 things won't be able to find you again if they need to :-)