Hi Snowsunshine

I completely get depression can lead you towards so much wanting to end it all.........but sometimes taking that big, final step can be real hard, so maybe that sense of pride could be about you pushing past a part (of whatever size) inside you that can't/won't/isn't going to sui.......for whatever reason.....the part that "fights on"..........the part that maybe you see as "weak"??
But to me.........I'd say that maybe you should be really proud of that part.........the part that "fights on" despite..........
That's a part that maybe you should try to really respect and nurture.........

Now, I really do know that may seem much easier said than done, and I absolutely aren't saying "just shrug off" the "pain" you may be going through, because that matters!!
But maybe if you could get some more help/support with what you're going through??
From someone you can trust (if there's someone?), from crisis lines, from us??

I know that things must be so hard for you right now but they don't necessarily need to stay that way forever, so how about giving that part of you that has been fighting on more of the chance it deserves, and yourself more of the chance you deserve
There are going to be people who really care, people who can offer you support to build on that strength inside you out, out there.........please give it a try

And if you want to talk more.........we're here

Alison