Hi 26west, a therapist helped me sort it all out. It took some time to even know what I wanted and what the best course was. It was just too big of a problem for me to figure out on my own. The thing with your kids sounds like a different problem from whether to end the marriage. The marriage is to your husband. You will still be a mom to your kids whether married or divorced. Maybe a family therapist could help with some of the kid issues. Take care and best of luck.