Thank you very much chocolate, I got up this morning around two in the morning and went right away to my CBT book. I pulled out my ABC form and filled it out. After I did that I kind of sat there and looked at it and realized exactly what happened. I really appreciate the kind words. This is a constant struggle and I hate it for my wife because she goes through a lot now and then to have to worry about what I am going to do makes it that much worse for her. I know she loves me but I feel that she is really scared that things will get worse. I have tried to convince her that I have never been a viloent person it is just not in my nature. But thatis her perception and I have to respect that. I really do feel as if I have changed and the incident last night was the two of us just blowing off steam. Her because she has been dealing with the family thing all by herself, and me because I have been so lonely. I understand where she is coming from and I also know that me not being there is rough for her too. I am a better person I just really miss my family. The ups and downs have really kind of stopped for me and working with the ABC form is like saying that when you do have an episode you can logically look back at it and learn from that. Which I have done over the past two months. Last night scared me more than anything...terrified me actually, I felt like I was going into the darkness again when I got to where I am staying. It really took me two hours to calm myself down and keep from hyper-ventalating. I know it was really hard for her after I left too, and that makes me sad to know that I cannot be there to hold her hand and give her a hug and tell her it will all be ok. I miss my wife!!!!!