its because yesterday....
i had to do so much, and been trying to do so much... conflicting interests...

who am i...? simon says.... stop..

i hate it when this feeling comese.... shock, shock... shock....

body memories... emotional panic.... symptom disruption... surrounded.... pain....
try remember sanity... failure... you cant do this...

the feeling... you fall from the sky, you have felt this...
the feeling... losing touch with your body... you have felt this...
feelings... small electrical shocks from the brain downwards... such as millions pin pricks that tingle...
combine this.... what i feel... i cant feel my body... but i feel the shocking... how many times was i electrocuted... how many times does it take to burn a body memory into the core... why does it bother me... when i usually can play roles well enough... why to get over whelmed when its all supposed to work in order...

now im trapped again... trapped with the pain... it so uncomfortable... i want to see my therapist soon
but its overwhelming me not being able to get in touch with her... or my case manager... at same time im fighting myself for control... stop the conflicts... but its not possible, they wont work together...

stop drinking! F* you. ARGHHH *pops a cap* loser... pansy! you're going to kill us... who cares!

now im no money... maybe why im having this because internal conflict not going well... one side say good riddance, get rid of the substances.. other side is freaking out because of feeling things... and im just scared...