Hi Snowsunshine

Well it is fantastic that you've been trying so hard and wanting change, respect!!
But when you're not only having to cope with the depression, it has to be so (even more!!) deflating seeing your efforts seemingly going nowhere.........I can imagine you must be so drained by it all
But you know those efforts needn't have gone no-where, afterall they have brought you here!!
And that could gradually make a big difference, even if we're "just" talking about the feeling of being less alone in what you're going through for right now

And for more changes...........I'm thinking maybe some more support with some different directions might help?? And that's not for a second saying you've taken wrong directions in trying/in your efforts before, not at all!!!
Just that sometimes you have to try things before you know that they aren't working, and you have!! So kudos!!
And now........maybe maybe us on PC can join you in finding some different directions........
Obviously I've got to agree with other posts in suggesting trying crisis lines, you know there have been plenty of people on here who have said that when they found the right ones they were really helpful
And I am going to be completely negligent if I don't remind you that alcohol can be a depressant in itself, but of course maybe you know that anyway, so just saying.......something to think about
But other than that perhaps there's "stuff" going on in your life right now, that we can offer you support with........perhaps we can be there for you when things are feeling tough.........perhaps letting out those feelings can help........
And I'm not saying that things might change for you immediately, we know they don't necessarily, just that given time they could.........and by the sounds of it you have come so far..........you do deserve the chance for change

Alison