I'm listening to my neighbors laughing and having a good time while I'm feeling so miserable.. It brings up so many negative emotions, I hate it and I become so angry I want to scream. I know I'm envious to some extent, I feel like I've never had that and never will. I haven't really enjoyed life for so long, and I'm reminded of it because of them. It's so hard to be motivated when you basically stay the same place you've been in for so long. I wanna just give up, curl into a ball. People have so often disappointed me, I don't believe in people being there for me, I don't believe anyone will love me for who I am. I've never experienced it. I've tried the best I can to be nice to others, to form lasting relationships, but in the end it never works out. It's my birthday soon, and I just really don't want to be here when the day comes.
Sorry it's a bit rambling, I just had to write it down.