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And it has been a substantial factor in all of our counseling sessions. Because it is not considered "okay" in society for me to question him or to ask of him because of his job. I've been told my expectations are unrealistic because he is a cop. I've been told to be more lenient because he is a cop. I have been reminded it is my duty because he is a cop....Like all the counselors who tell me to be easy on him because he's a cop.
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Counselors who take sides like this are doing you a disservice. I'm really sorry that this is what you have been getting, at least some of the time, in the name of "counseling".
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When I dated my husband and we didn't live together, I did not see him on work days. I only saw him refreshed and recovered and mentally recovered from work. I had no way of knowing that half of the week he was an emotional zombie incapable of talking or being affectionate or engaging.
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It sounds like he is an emotional zombie for the entire week, not just on his work days:
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He is to taxed to do anything on his days off but catch up on himself. When he's home, he's still in his own world. He watches cop shows. He talks to coworkers. And work days it's like we're not even married. Even when he gets off-- we don't talk. We go days without really talking. Sure the "How was your day" bit. But it's always about his day.
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And the minute we said "I do" I became his property.
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I'm sorry that this is how the marriage has turned out.
I do not think that you need to give up your life and all hope of emotional connection with your husband because he is a cop. I think you deserve better.
I hope that you will keep seeing your individual counselor!