Hello born: I'm sorry you are struggling. I feel very much the same. My only reason for continuing to exist is that I'm married & my wife has no one else. Were I to die, she would have no one else in the world. So I keep going. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep it up. But then I seem to keep doing it. So I guess that's the answer. I send hugs your way with the hope that you might be able to find deep peace within.