My son just got home from school so I feel so much better and safer. My husband also came home early don't weird things happen? Perhaps God intervened so I won't do anything stupid. Even though our relationship is like hell with a mixture of cement to further cause me to feel this way. I don't know what I'm saying but you are right I am trying to distract myself to the point I can't think about anything but someone else. You are so kind and thoughtful to be here for me while I was alone and scared. I appreciate it so much. The pain I feel is numb right now if you know what I mean? It's inside and turning my heart inside and out. I don't know what tonight will bring or if that matter what I will do tomorrow when I am alone again. The simple matter is that when depression hits you and are just coming out of that hypomanic state, you're not ready for it. The energy that generates from the black hoe just whacks you back into the depression pit. No hope, no happiness, just unrelenting gripping and paralyzing torture.