Thank you for everyone who takes the time to read this. I'll try to keep it short. I'm 37 and my 3rd husband just left me after 3 yrs of marriage and 5 together. I was married at 18 and it lasted just 6 months so it was a practice marriage if you will. My 2nd, well almost husband, called off our wedding a month before it was to happen after dating and living with me for 7 years. So here I sit heartbroken and blindsided AGAIN but I can't help but see the one common denominator here - me. These men don't seem to hate me, in fact they love me so much they spend years with me trying to make it work before just finally bolting.

I went to a therapist this week and she said I need to see a psychiatrist for what she thinks is some bipolar issues, most likely cyclothymia. In reading up on this it all makes so much sense now. I have had feelings of being out of control and up and down and rage and happiness, all in one day. My poor husband! I knew last year when he asked for a divorce that something was very wrong with me. I knew our relationship was good it was my craziness that caused all the issues. I thought I had borderline personality disorder but never tried to get any real help. I'm also on Wellbutrin and have seen that it can worsen bipolar in many cases. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me 37 years later. I made a psychiatrist appt for next week and intend on getting on medication and going to therapy regularly.

My question is how long do I wait to tell my husband all of this? He just left last week to his parents house after threatening numerous times. Right now we are on a break from talking but I want so badly to tell him I've found the answer to why I've been so crazy for so long. I'm also scared he won't care or say it's too late, the damage is done. Or worse that he doesn't want to be with someone who is bipolar. I also don't want it to seem like a ploy to get him back. I do however want him to know how so sorry I am and that he is the one true love of my life. I can't believe I didn't get help sooner and messed this all up. He said when he left that we were like oil and water personalities. Turns out I'm only oil off my meds and really explains why we did so good on my "highs" and so bad on my "lows".

Any suggestions are appreciated more than you can know at this very scary time for me.