I have days when I am thinking the things I pulled out of your quote of myself. I blame your mom and dad for many of your problems. Your sister was likely effected by your parents and the environment you grew up in even more than your actions--though I don't discount your role as well. It must be scary that she is in this state and must be really hard for you and others in your family. The thing that sucks about life is the problems that we can't stop, that seem neverending. All you can do is try to force yourself to do something productive everyday, read positive things, and continue to take any help that is offered. You do deserve treatment (therapy, etc.) and your fiance and others that reach out to you do it because despite what you think about yourself--you are a wonderful person. You certainly do not strike me as selfish or ignorant. You are still overcoming more than most people have ever had to deal with....