First off I want to say that it is amazing that you have decided to seek help. That is more than I have been capable of lemme tell ya.

As for the guy you're with, first determine how much he cares for you. Actually. Not where you try to overthink the situation or see past it and into your own flaws. Try to just see him. Then let the love replace the fear, and try to be yourself. If you are afraid of how he sees your mental illness, try to wait and discuss it with him so he knows that sometimes you might need more support.

As for your background, don't let it haunt you! When I suffered from abuse when I was young, I would abandon all hope of becoming anything. Now I try to see that as the starting point, and to improve. It feels kinda irritatingly optimistic but sometimes optimism helps you to realize that truly your past doesn't have to define you.

Now I am not qualified in any way shape or form but I wanted to express my opinion, and I realize what it's like to fear losing someone who is like a lifeline- and it's honestly terrifying. I could say there is significant hope and change in everything but there's not. It's just how you choose to see it that helps.

Much love and I wish you luck.

ave