I'm glad you realize how important it is for you to get over this tendency you have. It is horribly unfair to your current boyfriend. Keep doing this and you will ruin things for yourself.

I just did a little mental exercise. I imagined how this would sound if you were the male and he were the female. We hear about jealous men who keep their women on short leashes. We think of that as abusive and bullying. Somehow it kinda seems less bad when the genders are reversed. But it really isn't, when you give it some thought.

There is no amount of reassuring that will suffice when someone is obsessed with doubt. You can't just will away your insecurity. What you have to do is exercise some self-discipline. You have to make up your mind that the pain of this insecurity is your burden to bear. Don't put this cross on your boyfriend's shoulders.

Your last boyfriend didn't create this insecurity in you. Stop telling yourself that. You were insecure even before that. You wanted to believe that your last boyfriend loved you because you were so into him. So you went along with the charade, hoping he'ld grow to really love you. It didn't happen. He was not a trust-worthy guy and there were signs of that which you chose to ignore. A guy who would do what he did is not a stand-up guy, and that would have been true in how he handled other matters. The evidence was there, but you fooled yourself into believing what you wanted to believe.

Your real insecurity is that you don't trust yourself to tell yourself the truth. So change that. When you find yourself thinking something about anyone, ask yourself, "How do I know that?" And be stern with yourself. Don't let yourself get away with B. S. answers.

Part of why this world is so fouled up is because of people going around all sure they know something, without ever asking themselves real seriously, "How do I know that?"

Here is your new mantra that will set you free: "I am not going to b.s. myself . . . or take anyone else's b.s. at face value." Become a "fact-checker."

You see those tabloids at the grocery store? The headline will read something like "Hillary Clinton had a gay love affair with Queen Elizabeth!" or some such nonsense. Those tabloids make millions of dollars because so many people are happy to believe whatever they are told. Don't be that way.

Is your new boyfriend a stand-up guy in how he treats others? Watch him. See how he treats animals. Watch if he steals little things in stores. See if he pays his bills. How does he treat his mother . . . his sister. How does he treat the waitress at a restaurant? Learn what his values are. When you know that, you will know what he is capable of.