I am having suicidal thoughts these days. specially loosing my life career opportunity just because not able to controlling my emotions. I moved in a new city started with a good salary and position. Yet, I was not handle the situation, I always thought, "why I left my job, why I moved this city, I was happy with lesser salary," and so on so forth, endless rumination. finally I resign from the job come back to my old city also to the old job. Now I settled, when I look back how unrealistic those thoughts were. Also I am getting so frustrated specially thinking that opportunity never come again, I lost it for nothing, company owner did not accept my resign and insisted on to stay but I did not listen. I lied to them just to run away. As if I were bewitched, I hear no one, see no one. I waited 18 years for that position. What happened to me that was not me. Now I am having serious problem with my wife. She did her best to relieve me, she always told me turning back old city/job would make you worse but I did not listen, I was so blind. Now I am full of regret making me so sad. My wife wanted to divorce cuz Im having unstable emotions but we have 2 kids thus she just cant leave.

I have no one to talk frankly, I find this blog to pour out.