You're not the first to suggest a separation. My best friend did the other day and she knows everything that has ever happened, both good and bad. There's less bad, but the stuff that is really is awful sometimes. Thankfully he's in a more male dominated career (works for the railroad) and the women he does work with are not likely to be his type anyways. I know he's the type to try and make plans with female friends I don't know without telling me. I got lucky when he left his facebook open one day on my laptop. And they're people he went to high school with. That threw up a red flag for me there and he still has never mentioned anything about that. I don't think it would have been bad and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt there. Plus it never even happened, it was just mentioned. This had happened early on in our relationship and I found out this past summer. I will say that I won't do a separation. It's been almost two years now, we have a house and we have cats. Even if I did consider it, it would be a difficult situation to figure out. I just really think we could benefit from couples counseling and have mentioned to him that if things get bad we aren't throwing in the towel. He's said he would do it and I hope he stays true to that.
I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with you and your husband, though. It's always sad to hear that, but I do understand that it just can't always be fixed. I really appreciate your input, especially going through some similar experiences. He's gone a lot for work so I usually have a lot of time to think about everything then.
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Originally Posted by winter4me
Red flags! What you describe reminds me very much of the early days of my marriage----and the problems resurfaced periodically throughout 20yrs....
One thing a good friend noted, and she loved and knew both of us, was "The healthier you get, the worse it gets.". (and once, long ago, my ex had woken one night, I had just graduated from nursing school, --another disruption for him---and I said "I am happy I want you to be happy for me"...it was the first time I saw him acting depressed, and he said "I hope I don't need you to be ****ed up for me to feel OK"---rolled over and slept.
He didn't recall saying that/refer to it again, and I was the one designated with 'problems'.
Years later, after the birth of our son, (ten years on) he said, out of the blue, "I don't know why I treated you so bad all those years"---again, forgotten, backtracked, I the problem...and in the end it fell apart. I had to get out. The kids are grown now and well, I have a grandson, but I also lost a big part of my life. My ex's ex was also the person he would call....and later, women he worked with......
sorry for the long response but I think you should feel confident about yourself. And, you might want to separate for a period of time to step back and take another look.
I did have problems, when we met I discouraged the relationship because of this, he persisted, then, as if once there, ....maybe this isn't relevant at all...but I won't delete...
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