Thank you both for the advice and support. I'm really hoping I can work through this because I'm just tired and exhausted of feeling like this. As much as I tell myself "I'm not really like this, this is gonna pass..." this is who I am, and these episodes don't just pass. Not fast at least. Sometimes it days or weeks.

I'm really happy I found this place. I don't know anyone who deals with depression as I do. I mean I have friends and family say that "everyone gets sad, it's just a part of life". But not everyone is sad for extended periods of time and contemplate not existing. Someone yesterday told me I just need to "flip my switch." God... I wish.

I hope I can make some connections here. I think I already have and it's nice knowing that I'm not the only one who's dealt with this.

At the end of the day I want to be happy so that ultimately I can make others happy because that means the world to me.