Dear EZ711 and Nowwheretorun,

Your messages are coming in loud and clear, that I am not alone at least for right now. I feel the love and caring that you both are sending my way. I live in Florida where the sun shines most of the time and I want to be that cheery person inside. I have unfortunately come to almost the end of my marriage life as I don't believe he will ever change or be the person I need him to be. My illness has had a big part in destroying our life and what that didn't do I created by my bipolar states. He is sick and tired of worrying about me and just thinks I can go back and be the wife he married. He doesn't even know if he loves me anymore and treats me coldly and cruel at times. I just don't know how much more I can bear. I feel trapped inside our home, but I have nowhwere to run literally. No money for my own to take care of myself and a son I don't want to leave. So that is my predicament. I don't think anything will help us return to a normal way of living as man and wife. It hurts me so bad, which leaves me feeling helpless and totally hopeless inside.

I thank you again for all your comfort and words of wisdom. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live like this anymore. I'm caught between life and death. Which really sucks and tears me apart.