Hello acrobatfirst: I'm sorry you have had this distressing experience. Hopefully coming here to PsychCentral can be of some comfort & support. You mentioned you are having suicidal thoughts. These should not be ignored. (I've been there a couple of times.) If you continue to struggle, please reach out, in real life, for help with your sadness & suicidal thinking.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.