I was a high functioning computer engineer with absolutely NO MI issues at all. Job situation changed though I had changed companies many times before. I had a total break down & could only sit in my office & cry. Hated & felt trapped where I ended up but at the same time put together a proposal to be presented at the national convention of policies & procedures that was accepted. Needless to say I was on medical leave of absence at that time. I knew I didn't know what I was talking about. Right after I was initially out of work we had an earthquake in Northridge that collapsed the freeway I used to go to work. I tried one day bit it took 6 hours to get to work &!6 hours to get home. 9 hours at work just pushed me farther over the edge.

I talked like an intelligent person to my pdoc & T but I knew nothing about what I was REALLY feeling or how to express what was really going on. I looked to them like a person who was just overreacting to the loss of my career. I looked perfectly well to everyone yet I was in & out of the psych hospitals with suicide attempts.

The problem wasn't that they didn't hear me the problem was that I didn't understand what was really going on. That went on for 13 years until I finally left my marriage & was able to start putting the pieces together. 9 years after leaving & I have been able to connect the dots & I have learned how to express my thoughts & feelings. I can't blame them for not helping me. I always looked like the professional I was....looked well except when anorexia hit & suicide attempts landed me in ICU....inbetween hospital stays I was showing my horse in dressage shows, training & showing my eskie dogs & performing with my flute in chamber groups. It's no wonder they couldn't figure out what my problem was even though inqualifiednfor disability without even a question....I couldn't express what was really bothering me because even I didn't know at that time.