(((((Trace)))))),

I am sorry this is triggering you so badly. You know what though? It's ok to cry, we cry for a reason and it's healthy to shed tears because it releases toxins we have built up from stress. I read about it a while back and I am sorry I can't remember exactly what was said about crying and how it's healthy.

When someone we know passes away it most definitely brings on a deep sense of "helplessness" to do anything about it other then to grieve it and find our way towards accepting it. We are all wired to survive and thrive and that makes death very hard to accept. Human beings have always struggled with that and have created ceremonies to help with finding ways to keep loved ones present in our lives in some kind of positive light.

It's very important to work on making sure you find your way towards not feeling "fault" or that you should have done something to prevent. This "feeling" is another part of our survival though and has become the very reason we have discovered so many ways to extend our lives and having treatments for illnesses that many died from but today survive from. This desire to "save" has been an important part of our thriving and surviving. You know Trace, other intelligent animals like elephants and whales and porpoises and other primates experience "grieving" too.