Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
I am not a great one to give advice because I have never been as assertive in my marriage as I should have been but you might want to ask yourself this...
What do you think will be best for your children in the long run? I am a mother of two and even though my children are grown, the most important thing in my life is that they are healthy, successful and can follow their dreams. I don't think this feeling every goes away. My marriage is important to me but knowing what I know now, I would give it up if I thought it would make my children have better lives (since they are in their 20s, I think it is too late for this to make any significant difference in their lives). So I would try to unemotionally assess: Is he a good father? (Is kind and spends quality time with his children) And is he a good provider? (Sounds like he isn't) Since you have only been married 5 years, I recommend leaving sooner rather than later (if you think that is the best decision). The younger you and your kids are, the easier it might be to make the transition.
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Thank you for the advice. My kids are definitely the most important thing in my life. They are still young so like you say this will be an easier transition for them now than say in 5-10 years.
The kids are probably the main reason I am so torn. If they weren't in the equation, i would have left 2 years ago. He loves his sons and they love him to pieces. He would be *heartbroken* if he didn't get to see them every day. I feel like my son's need their father in their life just as much. He spends a lot of time with our oldest son 2 years old. He takes him fishing, bike riding and loves to be with him. He is family orientated in the fact hes always planning outings for us, always wants to involve the children. However, he doesn't help with the responsibilities, nap times, healthy eating, learning, school or doctors appointments etc. Our youngest is 8 months old and needs more attention. He refuses to watch him, gets angry when he cries, but says it is his age hes not good with and will be more involved when he gets a bit older.
He's not a great role model that way, the lack of responsibility, if something doesn't go his way, whether it's at work, home or friends he quits. Even if it affects us. We have been scraping by financially for the past 4 years. 11 months ago I lost my full time income and since then we lost our home, got into debt and suffered terribly.
His anger and frustration over everything is just draining. I hate him constantly complaining, i just want to be happy and positive and he saps me of any of that.
I feel i could give my children more emotionally and financially if i left, I feel i could get more emotional support elsewhere, not feel so confused all the time and ignored. As iv tried to discuss all of this with him and he ignores me and says to stop causing problems.
He just seems like he comes first. What he wants he gets, otherwise he tantrums.
Oh I could go on and on. Thanks for letting me type it out and try working through it.😊