Well lost security job at mall. lost what I had thought was a good friendship forever, my super told me no contact with her. which I would never do after what happened probably scared the crap out of her. Super told me that he knows a few people ( higher ups) in the security company and said he is going to fight like hell to keep me working for the company just not at that sight. Judging by his Body language he is very possibly telling the truth. I feel horrible and I really had this BS caught me totally off guard those suicidal thought pushing in but I know better then to give into to those demons. Now that the ice is almost gone out side I can start my ritual of running 10-20 Km again. Not sure how I am going to pay my bills but at least I can do my runs that was my savior through the last couple of years it just takes allot of energy just to get out of my bed then force myself to eat which I don't want to do but I force the horrible yogurt raw egg and orange juice mix down my throat . now I have to just keep fighting keep m,oving and do my best to " Not" think to much of what happened which is pretty much at this point impossible. have to wait 3 weeks to see shrink . I hate being cursed with this.