Thanks Perma for making me laugh about the grapes. From now on I'll think of you and the analogy and probably smile when I buy grapes.

I'm trying very hard to find something to hold on to and it really doesn't matter what it is as long as I don't give up. If it weren't for my online friends that I am making, I don't know if I could have made it till now. I truly think I would have lost it and would have to have gone to the hospital. But I know from experience that a few days there isn't the cure for what ails me. How do you get the courage to do what you know you probably will have to do eventually. The outcome scares me to death. I am trying to learn how depression plays it's course. It teases you into believing life would be better off without you and sometimes it is very alluring and cunning. I don't want to fall into this trap that I know well. For now I feel safer and I think I will make it through the night. I might even go to sleep earlier than usual. Maybe tomorrow will be different and I am hoping for anything better to happen, maybe a MIRACLE, do you think it's possible or foolish to hope for that?

Thanks again for keeping me in the here and now with my family, even though it may be temporary it's all I have.