Hi
I'm a 31 yr old female and I've always been aware of a couple of strange happenings in my past which has always made me wonder if there was more to it. ive often found myself thinking about my childhood, I have practically no memories until I started high school at 11/12. Curiosity took hold a little more tonight and I researched the topic online, needless to say I was shocked at my findings. How closely I could relate.
I had a close relationship with one set of grandparents, less so with my other Nan but in particular my grandad. My only memories are being lifted up by him from a very young age (3,4,5...) and the way he held me,
My other memory is even less detailed and is simply a... flashback almost, just an image I get from time to time of him standing naked in the bathroom doorway. That's it.
I know my sister and I hated sleeping over there, but I really have no other memories whatsoever. Which I've always thoyght is a bit weird anyway but maybe I just have a bad memory.
Hiwervrr reading through the "symptoms" of adults with suppressed memories I do tick a lot if boxes. This is embarrassing but these were my findings and my feelings.
- I've had issues with weight, from starving myself being sickly thin, to be 5 stone overweight.
- I have low self esteem but usually put on a mask, but these 'signs' could be anyone!
- I find myself turned on by being/imagining I'm vbeing controlled, often brutal, violent or 'forced'
- Ive been promiscuous in the past, I still have no emotional connection to sex even though I've been with my partner 8 years
- our sex life has plummeted, I used to be practically obsessed but now I find myself turned off at the thought of it and can sometimes feel dirty
- I have a few vague memories of acting a bit sexually from a young age... flashing the boy next door from my window/ playing a game with my cousin in which we'd pretend to be asleep and put thins into each other's knickers/ pretending I'd forgotten my shorts on school sports day, wearing only gym skirt and white knickers... but being aware this would turn on the dads/teachers/boys (this is one of few memories when I was under 11)

There were many more 'symptoms' but I just wondered how this sounds to objective ears/eyes. I'd be interested in your opinions or questions.

This could be nothing which makes me feel an incredible sense of guilt!

Thanks.