When you're in the place you're in right now it's so hard to believe others when they try to tell you all the good things you can't see in yourself. It's easier to believe the bad stuff.
You say that if you weren't all these bad things then your family wouldn't say and do the terrible things they've said and done. You believe you deserve all these bad things.
If I might very gently suggest another possibility?
The problem is not you. The problem is them.
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness for no other reason than you are a human being. The fact that they didn't do that reflects on them, not you.
I know that's hard to accept. Been there. But if you won't believe me, believe all the other people who respond here, the many people who send you hugs, thank you for your support and some who are still in this life because you responded with the compassion that you yourself were not shown. What does this say about you? That you are a Mahatma--a Great Heart. Hold on to that when you're overwhelmed by the lies your family tells you because that's all they are--lies lies lies.
Until you can see the truth of yourself for yourself, please think about accepting our vision of you