Hi all, thanks in advance for the people who will be helping me work through my issues.

I met a stranger 3 years ago online and we started exchanging messages. At that time she was in a relationship and she was only looking for friends. We started off being friends and spent a lot of time talking with each other online with a basic rule that we are both going to be honest and never lie to each other. We both respected that and continued talking almost daily. 6 months down the line, we wanted to meet in person. She came with her partner and a couple of friends to meet for dinner. We all hit it off and I go back to their place to play board games. I was introduced slowly to her friends group and we all started to hangout every weekend and became good friends. I get close to this girl and we started to become besties. It was purely platonic, honest friendship.

we continue to talk and she started to open up about her relationship issues, I help her work through those issues but they both figured out that their issues cannot be resolved, my best friend broke up with her partner. Although they both remain to stay with the group, they are on good terms but the void between them can be clearly seen in group setting. Few months later, after she grieved and moved on, when we were celebrating our 2 year friendversary, there was a moment of sexual tension between us and we started to makeout. Next day we talk about it. She knew she was not my type and I am not her type. While we were friends she helped me find dates, I talking about what I am looking for a date etc. She was very helpful. We talk about it the next day and decide that we are going to have casual sex and be honest about if who we were seeing other than each other and be honest about when one of us catches feelings.

After about 5-6 months, I started to catch feelings. We both were on same page and made the relationship exclusive, we started seeing each other and at the same time also trying to resolve bigger issues and started working together to a long term future. We are emotionally super compatible, enjoy being around each other, honest, loyal, caring and understanding. We have moments when we are bluntly honest and talk without any filters that it hurts each other so much but we get closer and closer everytime we do that by consoling and reaffirming physically and emotionally.

There has been a lingering thought that is bothering me at the back of my head, I always wanted to be in a relationship that has a healthy lifestlye (we eat healthy, exercise and have a good balance of outdoor activities, have personal and career goals). But the best friend I fell in love with is overweight and has health reasons that are causing her to be overweight. I am supportive and understanding. She doesn't have low self-esteem and is very body positive and confident and is amazing human being. I feel like there is a part of me that is not naturally appreciating her beauty and reaffirming my love through my actions/words. I brought this up with her (while hurting her a bit), I had to because our relationship is built on being extremely honest to each other and communicate, communicate a lot and be vulnerable. She is not promising me that her physical appearnce would change drastically. I am not going into the relationship expecting that she would look differently years down the line, I know that I should be accepting her for who she is, who she was when I chose to be a friend, who she was when I started to have casual realationship and who she was when I asked to be my girlfriend. I fell in love with her but I also cant believe the fact that I fell in love with a person that I never imagined to be considering to date.

I am trying to find if my problem is deeply rooted and would show up big in the future and blow up our relationship causing more pain. I am having trouble identifying how big of a deal it is for me. I need some suggestions to work through this and help me get to a better place and make better decisions.