Since I declined to see my old high school flame, who now lives in Boston, a prominent lawyer, happily married, though we have emailed almost daily for several years, he has ceased writing to me.
I did write to him telling him of my mother's recent cancer diagnosis, and that I am caring for her in my home now. I got a nice reply from him, to which I responded, but no messages from him since then.
I am feeling lonely and abandoned. Last night I had another of the recurring "abandonment" dreams of him, which I've had all my adult life. These are recurring dreams, and I have learned to deal with them.
Still, I feel the strong compulsion to write to him, though in his last (and final) email to me he mentioned that there were reasons he chose not to write anymore. I suspect it has a lot to do with my refusal to see him this last time he was down here in my area recently.
I know this is all because of the trauma I'm experiencing right now, caring for my mother in her last days, and needing to communicate with loved ones. At the same time, I also remind myself that this man is not my partner, never has been, never would have been, no matter what he has said about his feelings for me.
Patty