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Originally Posted by adampeps
Yup, tell me about it. It's a struggle between:
A - I don't know much about this newer person but know if we hit it off that it would make me happy, bring me new happiness and excitement
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reality: you need to realize that this is a "green grass" situation. Ask yourself if it's something new you are looking for - again what you're missing in your relationship now. The fact is that you see this other woman, it may or may not work out and it's entirely a fantasy at this point. You can choose to find out if it will work out without any guarantees, but only after you decide to leave the relationship you're in. Really not an option to test the waters beforehand.
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B - If we did hit it off, it would mean the end of my relationship (although i'm not sure it is doing well now), loss of children full time, financial loss, etc.
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NO. Not IF you hit it off. ONLY WHEN you end your current relationship should you even pursue another. YOU CANNOT have your cake and eat it too by finding out if you will hit it off first. that is actually really cheating even if you didn't hit it off because your intent would be to find out if this woman could be your mate. would you want your wife "checking into" other guys to see if they would be worth pursuing while you're still married?
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I feel like this time the grass would be greener on the other side but there is no way of guaranteeing that at all as well which is what I keep telling myself. Plus as i've said earlier, I don't even know a good approach to initiate some dialogue with this other woman without potential embarrassment and guilt.
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Considering whether it's worth pursuing is jumping ahead. You're only going to cause more distress in yourself and dissatisfaction. Back up. Back up and look at your marriage and nothing else first. If at that point you see no future in it then break it off... but you may find what it is you're missing there and doesn't your current wife deserve to have the chance to be the one to fulfill that first?
You don't speak badly of your wife so I imagine she's not done anything to anger or disappoint you in such a way that would make you seek other women vengefully or in spite of her. I see a person who is looking for something and for whatever reason you aren't looking to your wife to give you what you need.
Seems like what happens in a lot of marriages. Many people, indeed way too many, expect the emotional highs of new romance to continue. Emotions ebb and flow in relationships and marriage is about accepting that it's not always a bed of roses but there are seasons and the winter of marriage is always hard. Trust me, even if you left this one, found a new woman, married her and stuck around for years, the same cooling of fires will come.
You just need to decide if you want to stay through the winter with your wife that you are with now.