Hello iloveyourlaugh: I don't know as there is a lot I can tell you with regard to your situation. I'm an older man. But gender identity is something I have struggled with my entire life. It's a very long story. And I'll spare you the details. But I can relate to the confusion you are experiencing. It has been the story of my life in many ways.

I've been married for 38 years now. I just keep my gender identity issues to myself, along with my other mental health issues. It's tough. But that's the way it is for me. I don't recommend it for anyone else though. On the other hand, I think you're correct that you cannot keep talking to your wife about this. From my perspective, the better alternative is to engage the services of a therapist with whom you can, over time, process your feelings, preferably a therapist who has experience working with individuals who have sexual orientation issues.

My experience tells me that the confusion you are feeling is not going to simply go away by itself. You need to work through it. Otherwise it may well destroy the relationship you have with your wife. And, from what you wrote, my impression is that this relationship is too precious to simply stumble out of. You may or may not find another one like it. And if you don't you will likely live to regret not doing everything you could to protect it. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

Anyway... I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.