We got into depth discussing grapes to OD on and you have to know you'll get the runs :-) and won't feel real good even if it's just grapes you're ODing on. I've done that and I don't SI or otherwise get suicidal.

Thinking/attempting suicide doesn't "work" is how I talk myself out of such. It can tease all it wants but unlike liquor, it doesn't deliver any good feelings! I hunger for good feelings so I'm going in search of those when I feel bad.

What does make you feel better? Clean sheets? Nice warm shower? Ice cream cone? (I had that happen once when I was alone and lonely, I insisted I tell myself what I wanted right that moment and the "answer" came, "an ice cream cone". Of course, there was nowhere to get one where I was so I had to go to the grocery store and buy cones and ice cream, etc. and then take it home and make my own. By the time I got an ice cream cone, the original problem of feeling sad, alone, and lonely had gone away :-) I usually go for books. I know at least 25 books that make me feel better and I'm always looking for new ones :-)

Find something interesting/you'd like, something small. I use to take $10 to the local antique "mall" near me at the time http://www.savagemill.com/ and see what attracted me at that price and buy it. I have green "stones" I carried around for awhile, a marble "egg", a 19th century, brass house key, etc. Invest yourself in a fantasy today! :-)

Sad songs help me. Hit youtube and listen to your favorites?

I'm listening to a favorite of mine now, "Runaway Train"

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same