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Originally Posted by eskielover
I'm like you...I was ALWAYS goal oriented & put no value in emotions. Goals were degree, & career, nothing else mattered to me & marriage was just supposed to be a compliment to my goals, not a goal.
I actually thought that people were either logical or emotional. My mom was emotional & I was logical. Then with my DBT group leader I learned that our mind has both parts & that being mindful of the big picture & pulling logical & emotional thinking together is how we come up with the best WISE MIND decisions for our lives.
I learned that emotions & feelings need to be RECOGNIZED but not in control. I didn't recognize mine or acknowledge they even existed so in reality I didn't really know how I felt except ANGRY at the world around me & definitely at my H for being the irresponsible way he was when I needed a responsible person to take care of things when loosing my career created a breakdown. That whole time of being in just talk therapy was totally wasted time. Until I started to learn about how the brain works & started to put the pieces together & understand ME & my thoughts it was impossible to understand my reaction to what was REALLY going on in my life.
I truly hope that you can find good therapy (either DBT or CBT) that is presented in an educational way to learn from so you can actually integrate it into your life. It's interesting that living in Los Angeles I never found a good therapist until I moved to a small town 2100 miles away.
There have been some other major changes that have helped me make a difference but for me, DBT provided the knowledge, understanding & words that finally helped me to be able to express myself. Geyying out of the bad living situation I was in was my first step though. Was glad I didn't have a career tying me down.
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Thanks. (Please note that at the end of this reply I ask for your help. Sorry to make you wade through so many words to get there!)
It's interesting that you couldn't find a good therapist in all of Los Angeles but I can relate. The area I live in is packed with therapists but I have yet to run across one for hire who does CBT or DBT. There is a therapist from my health care provider who has been phoning me and supporting me in finding counseling in the community. She does some very good CBT over the phone. But my health plan has too high a deductible to see her in person. To have an in-person session with her I would have to pay my health care provider $250 per session! Ironically, the phone support is free. It's like getting a little taste of a good thing. And it is only temporary and minimal support.
I think your situation also changed when you inherited some money which allowed you to move away from your marriage and start a new life, right? If that happened to me I think I would be okay. My divorce (not my choice) left me financially strapped and I have been struggling financially for years. Now I am in a financial crisis. It is the stress of that which is throwing me over the edge of sanity into suicidal ideation. I am afraid I am going to end up homeless. I know that sounds dramatic but for me the fear is real.
However, recently I have decided to not just give up. Even though my future is uncertain I am trying my best to get out of the mind state I am in. I think until I find a therapist I will pull out my big DBT workbook and do it on my own. Do you have any suggestions as to what section I might focus on at this time given my state? The workbook I have is essentially worksheets. Thanks to the Internet I can also go online and find written stuff and excerpts (even from Linehan) that pertain to a certain section. It isn't the most optimal situation but it is the best I can do for now. Your suggestions would be most appreciated as I know you have done extensive DBT work. Thanks.