I don't know what it is, but my inability to make any decision with slight importance is destroying me. I have diagnosed Depression, Anxiety, and BPD. Also im 15) I want you to know that I am not even kidding when I say, I will become 100% convinced to for example keep my job, and then 10 minutes later I am 100% convinced I should quit my job. This is actually something ive been struggling the past week. I keep changing so fast??? I feel like I can't do anything. I haven't been able to focus on anything at all. Like at all. I go to a special school but can't even do anything! My boss is going to kill me because ive missed like idk 15 shifts!!!!! In the past, because of bpd, I would have temporary feelings of being in "crisis" like all the time. But now its like... not temporary. I feel suicidal and like dying all the time. I'm trying so hard. Things aren't working out for me? I feel useless in this world. I hate struggling. I feel like professionals don't take you seriously unless you are going to kill yourself. But the thing is, I'm trying not to kill myself! But I feel like I'm not getting help. I feel like im not getting better. I feel like I'm not improving. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I hate everything so much. I'm done with everything. What even is the point anymore? I'm so confused about everything and myself and I just feel like I have no purpose in life. Sure people care about me and **** and people would miss me but I've been holding on for them for so long and I ****ing can't. I want to hold on for them, but I can't. I have to leave, not for them. But for myself. Yes it's selfish. Very selfish. I'm leaving for myself, not giving two shits about other people's feelings. The thing is that I do care. I care a lot. I just can't do it anymore. Why do I feel like I pretend that I'm fine? I'm not fine. And everyone thinks im better just because im not constantly trying to kill myself everyday like before. Like I would rather go back to that because at least before it was a temporary feeling and in between those times I would feel better. I don't feel better now. I feel horrible and ****** and I can't complete anything I do. I'm done. Like whatever. I don't give a **** anymore. I'm ****ing done!