Oh Perma, you crack me up and make me laugh
and smile at the same time. Thank you! I am going to make sure to eat more grapes and just stuff them in my mouth till it bursts. You have helped me to see how much I have control over this depression and it doesn't have to consume me anymore at least for tonight. There's things I will have to work out by myself and determine what will be in my best interest to do and just do it.
Perma, what makes me feel good is covering up in my bed with my Pink thick furry blanket with satin on the edges. It is so soft and cuddly and warm. I just love to wrap myself up in it. I enjoy scrapbooking my family pictures, but for two years now its torture to try and do it. So much pleasure has gone and I want it back again. So I'll return to my Pink Blanky, which gives me the warmth and comfort I so much need right now.
Just to let you know I feel better just knowing I have PC to come back home to and be with people who understand and care. I'd like to say depression is a choice but there are times that I have no control over it. Tonight I did have some control over it allowing me to think death was the answer, when in fact living is a grace and privilege we are given from God. I do believe in a better place than earth and I allow myself to think that sometimes I'd be better off there such as in heaven. However, I know that giving in to the depression will only hurt those I love and I always thought of myself of someone who doesn't give up and keeps trying. So I will defeat this depression and go on today and forward to fight the demons that want to hurt me. I will recruit anyone willing to fight the demons in my head and in the process I hope to help them with their demons as well.
2 or more can resolve just about any dilemma we have at least we can try. Tomorrow I am going to buy those red seedless grapes, and each time when I am alone all day tomorrow, I will have them to remind me that I'm posting with a bunch of grapes who care enough about me to make me laugh and find the lighter side of life no matter what.