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Originally Posted by DechanDawa
Thanks. This was interesting and helpful. Really I feel in a crisis because of not having the financial resources I need to survive on my own. That's really about it. I have severe financial problems and have been socially isolated. I have noticed since I started work (about a month ago) my depression seems to have become more agitated. Maybe this isn't a bad thing.
I usually journal but I have been having a hard time journaling lately. There isn't much to write about. I have a job but I need a better job. I am waiting for my truck to be fixed so I can start looking for another job. I post here a lot. When I am feeling really anxious I call crisis hotlines.
I am also looking for mental health care but as the hours at my job have suddenly been cut in half I don't even know if it is feasible due to the cost.
I do mindfulness exercises. I work at a very fast paced job now that requires a lot of focus so I don't think I would be able to do it if I didn't have a certain degree of mindfulness.
I guess I could journal more but the truth is I am pretty depressed. I don't have much to journal about, really.  |
I usually find that when my depression (along with my anxiety) is getting 'worse' or more 'aggressive' (so to speak) is when writing helps me the most.
I don't call hotlines, phones make me much more anxious (especially if I have to talk/speak in other language than my mother-tongue)... but I'm glad hotlines and mindful exercises have helped you cope, it's good you've found solace through the worst moments.
Maybe journaling isn't for you at this point since you already write a lot and have a clear idea of what is making your situation difficult.
Money is such a big source of distress for many of us, I feel you on that area too (heck, same in the isolation part...), I'm sorry you're going through this bad time... good news is that this shall pass eventually; keep going your way, I really hope things get better soon.
Maybe what could help now is extending mindfulness to acceptance, as they do in the Buddhist practices. Do whatever is in your hands to make your situation better, and accept the things you can't change as they are. This is not giving up, it's realizing our truth and our limits, while at the same time recognizing our strengths (in other words, it's not about seeing the glass half-empty or half-full, it's about thanking for the water and drinking it when we are thirsty, intelligently enough to not gulp it all in one go if it's scarce, but to divide it and make it last).
It also seems to me that you're aching for connection, you've been isolated for too long or too harshly. One thing is to write on a screen, another is to talk face to face (can be very healing with the right people...). Do you have any friends you can (re)connect with? Maybe a room-mate or a family member? Perhaps an opportunity to meet new people somehow? Even if they don't get you or your mental illness, they may be able to connect with you in a different ambit, offer you some human-human time?
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“Drown out the machinery in my head...”
—Sleep (Conjure One)