Okokok, I'm terribly sorry if it came over like that. I guess, you're right that this was very insensitive, sorry @ConfusedBB.

To me the horrible and so incredible mean thing about abuse (of any kind) is that it isn't just very very bad then and there, but appearantly it affects you a long time after it's over, maybe even for the rest of your life. And this is sooo terrible. It's not just that you have to endure horrible things then, it can even destroy the rest of your life.

Pls see my posts about my own life here:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...al-family.html

https://forums.psychcentral.com/adul...hy-oh-why.html

So, being aware now what happened to me I'm looking for ways to get out of this loop.

As for the post here: the question about age was related to the idea that I believe that things happening can affect us differently in relation to age. The younger we are, the worse it is as we haven't made (m)any other experiences before so we can't compare. Usually we only have this one family we come from and everything happening there appears to be perfectly normal. We can't say, hey, the last 3 families I lived in were a lot better than this one, so it's not about *me*, there is clearly something wrong with *them*. But for example now, that I've worked for several companies by now and having dealt with lots of different business partners (customers, vendors, affiliates, etc.) I can very well compare to previous experiences when there is any trouble.

So, in this case, if she is rather young and this was her first relationship it is rather difficult. If she had 3-4 relataionships before, that went well, or at least "normal", then I would suggest to spend time remembering those and becoming aware that it doesn't have to be like that and that this was rather tough luck, which makes it easier to find trust and confidence to somebody again.

The other aspect about it was, that maybe the sex with him was also bad, abusive, reckless, etc. and maybe this was (also) the reason for her attitude now.

So, this is the reasoning. However, looking at it now, I agree that it was rather stupid and very insensitve from my side, please accept my apologies. I hope to do better in the future.