I think I had some kind of childhood trauma, but really hard to see and explain since it's something deep and could have been missed in my thoughts.. even if I'm sure I feel it.. I've always tried hard to be true to myself so I've also had to be emotional about this and I think I got stuck with this unbalanced feeling..
Yes feeling in my comfort zone with fantasies sounds good, I hope 'it works'.. I feel exactly what you described
I will talk with the therapist also about the cause of repression, which I think will be hard to do since it's hard for me to see what in fact the reason is..
I was also thinking, that I could have been emphatic to my brother, who I'm sure had some other kind of childhood trauma..