i feel like im slipping, not sure whats happening... but im losing it...
i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing... time for another change?
just hope the depressed part of me doesnt come out because i cant afford to stay in bed 24/7 at all currently.... too much to do, too much to do...

if i stop posting, then its because im just not connecting externally...
and i apologize in advance if i start posting that weird stuff again, i hate doing that and posting a bunch of crazy stuff... thats one of the reasons i wont go back and read what i posted because it makes me feel even more out of touch...

like going to the depression board and reading some of the encouraging posts i wrote, or reading the depressed ones... and definitely going back to the bipolar board when i first joined and reading that stuff is really weird feeling...

i just dont like not being able to remember acting like that or saying those things (i cant even relate half of the time... so it sort of embarrasses me..)
so im going to try not to let that happen again (even though it always happens and i cant remember writing stuff...) just want to avoid looking like an idiot in front of you all

im on the mary go round right now... not sure who or what is going to pop out, but i might end up putting myself back in the hospital due to lack of options and safety concerns... (i haven't cut in like a while, not sure how long but its probably been atleast a month!) and i dont want to self harm any! dunno why i do that, makes me cringe

thanks you all for being friendly to me and trying to understand my complex eccentricities